Speak Up! How being honest sets you free

“Say what you need to say. If your message comes from a place of love, it will land exactly as it should, even if it makes waves.” – Tracy Cherpeski

In all areas of life, we are encouraged to be honest. How honest are you? Be real. If you hold your tongue, stuff-down your feelings or shy-away from speaking because you are worried about a negative consequence, are you really being honest? I am an honest person, but I lived a lie for many years. I lied to myself, the world and my former spouse by not allowing myself to feel, let alone speak about, how unhappy I was. At the time I needed to experience unhappiness in order to grow out of it. Interestingly, during that time I regularly experienced laryngitis every time I had even the mildest cold virus. I had quite literally “lost” my voice. Fortunately, I found it, and that is why I am here today, sharing with you.

We all have our reasons for not speaking our mind on occasion. Sometimes it is simply inappropriate, or we are feeling strong emotions that hinder us from using our most impeccable words should we open our mouths to give voice to our thoughts. Sometimes, however, we fear retribution, that we might look bad, or that speaking up might somehow take-away from another’s experience. Do you ever worry about how your words might fall on someone else’s ears, even if you are respectful and loving in your delivery? I certainly have, and still occasionally do. But, when we take a moment to examine those fears, we will see a lot, and from there, choose to free ourselves by being honest.

I offer a method to help you claim your powerful voice. It is not the only way, yet you will learn something and start thinking about how to grab hold of your power and speak up.

Get your needs met. If you are lacking the courage to use your voice in a powerful, respectful and appropriate manner, then it is highly likely you have some unmet needs. Take a moment to find where you might be missing something. Is it self-care? Time to yourself? Are you hungry or thirsty? Are you worried about money, relationships, family or a health matter? If your basic needs are not met, then it will be challenging for you to feel powerful; wouldn’t you agree?

So, get your needs met. Nourish your body with high quality foods. Stay properly hydrated. Get enough sleep; an average of seven hours per night is considered adequate rest for your body to recover and for your brain to organize all the information it absorbed during waking hours. Exercise regularly; move your body for 10-30 minutes at a time, rigorously enough to get your heart rate elevated and your blood pumping. Carve-out time for yourself every day, even if “just” 10 minutes at the end of the day to unwind and enjoy some quiet time to yourself. Recharge your batteries, so to speak, so you can return to balance; everyone needs to disconnect from electronic devices that stimulate and distract, including televisions and computers. Practice this self-care every day; you will feel stronger and will likely begin to speak your mind without even thinking about it.

Be “brutally” honest. When you find yourself searching for words, take a moment to ask yourself a few questions: Does this person or situation contribute to my overall wellbeing? If not, does it make sense to engage in conversation, or politely excuse yourself? Have you felt unhappy in your job or relationship(s)? If so, you may need to make a few minor adjustments first by ensuring your needs are met, and then by addressing the issues at hand, which we will visit shortly.

When you are honest with yourself and getting your needs met, you will be able to communicate easily, clearly and with authority. My daughter set a shining example of this honesty last weekend when she tested for her high white belt in Tae Kwon Do (she passed – proud mama!) When the Master interviewed her, he asked her if she likes Tae Kwon Do. She answered, “Sort of, sir!” She told me that he smiled at her as if he totally understood. One of the principle articles in Tae Kwon Do is honesty, and the Master appreciated and honored her answer. I love how she spoke her truth without worrying that she might offend or upset him. We could all take a page from her book.

Write a script. Many of us have studied a variety of topics to prepare ourselves for our careers and hobbies. We prepare scripts for interviews, speeches and presentations. Why not do the same in life? When we are prepared with a script, it takes the pressure off, particularly if the topic is emotionally-charged. If you are upset with a friend who did something that you experienced as hurtful, you could start by saying, “I feel disappointed/sad/frustrated,” and then say nothing more. Let your friend ask you questions and engage in the conversation. Use phrases like “I experienced,” or “I felt,” or prepare a whole lead-in to the conversation, such as, “I feel… I don’t want… What do you think?” Now you sit back, take a few breaths and quietly listen.

Body language. Make sure your body reads as loving and open. Leaning-in, arms crossed and resting on the table can read as threatening and aggressive. Sit comfortably in a chair, leaning back, hands resting in your lap, palms up. This is open, inviting, non-threatening body language, and is usually well-received. It sets the tone for an open conversation.

Being courageous takes practice until it feels natural. Be honest with yourself and share your honesty with the world. It is the best gift you can ever give, and it will set you free.

Blessings. Gratitude. Love.

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About powerstrengthgrace

I lay out my intention for this blog: to share my experiences with others and direct my clients here for their personal growth. I hope to show the reader that one can be mindful without having to go to extremes. Balance and simplicity are key, and I have learned that valuable lesson time and again. About me: First, I am a mother. Secondary, but also very important: entrepreneur, fitness professional, business woman, writer, public speaker. I live in the DC metropolitan area and have created a fulfilling life for myself and my children. My career path has been interesting and varied. I have worked in research & management for a telecoms association, managed health clubs, consulted on housing market development in third world nations, and finally, have become self-employed in corporate wellness and private lifestyle management coaching. I hope that you take something with you every time you visit, and I thank you for sharing with friends, co-workers and family members.
This entry was posted in Abundance, Alone Time, Attraction, Celebration, Closure, Comfort Zone, Conflict, Core Belief, Determination, Empowerment, Encouragement, Energy, Exercise, family, fitness, Forgiveness, Friends, Girlfriends, Gratitude, Help, Infidelity, Inspiration, Integrity, Jobs, Law of Attraction, life coaching, lifestyle management, Listening, Love, Luck, Manifestation, Marriage, meditation, energy, chanting, workout,, Metaphysics, Money Management, Motivation, natural medicine, New Beginnings, Passion, Patience, Peace, personal growth, Physical Exercise, Pleasure, Power of Receiving, Power of Words, Procrastination, Relationships, relaxation, Respect, Responsibility, Self Improvement, Self-Help, Smile, Spirit of a woman, spirituality, Stress, The Four Agreements, Think Big, Truth, Uncategorized, Visualization, Weight Loss, women, Yoga. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Speak Up! How being honest sets you free

  1. Gerald Lavey says:

    This is wonderful advice, Tracy, but so hard to put into practice. It is advice that is os relevant in my life right now. Thank you.

    • Hi Jerry,

      Great to hear from you! I am so glad that this post spoke to you! I just started a video series on Facebeook – I shared it on your page in case you didn’t see it. Learning how to use our language and scripts is a great way to harness our personal power and get our needs met… When we meet our own needs, we have more to give to others. How profound! Have a wonderful day!

      Tracy

  2. Great post my friend Tracy – Honesty is the best policy and I certainly agee. I had a situation just this morning with a friend and when he said something, I felt not so good inside and so I need to go back and clarify and be honest with myself since I do love myself – so do it for me and not so much for him. You see we must love ourselves 100% before we can ever love anyone else.

    Perfect timing,
    Nancy

  3. Nancy! Beautiful girlfriend, so great to hear from you. I am so glad that you were able to take-away some wisdom from this post. I am inspired by your posts, my wheels get turning, and there is just so much to share.

    I agree with you – we need to love ourselves 100% before we can ever love anyone else. If you have no money, you cannot give money to those in need. In the same vein, if you have no self-love, then there is no genuine, pure love to give to another.

    What a beautiful journey of discovery!!! I feel so blessed to know you, and share our thoughts and experiences. xoxo ~ T

  4. Pingback: On Selecting Your TRIBE: Creating a network of support | Powerstrengthgrace's Blog

  5. Alix JoyTree says:

    I [lived] the “brutally honest” with everyone experience – starting with family – now, I live in the wilderness with dogs, birds & lizards – lost all contact with family, friends & all the ‘great to be honest with’ humans – you can’t live among humans – and be ‘brutally honest’ with them – they simply do not have the [mental capacity] – i like the overall message – as always – immaculate.

    • Thank you, Alix. Brutal honesty can be with the self… That is a good start. Being brutally honest and being disrespectful are two different things. I was so blown-away by my daughter’s honesty that it got me thinking. But you are right – there are many people who don’t like or can’t handle the truth….. The beauty is that we get to choose (most of) the people who surround us.

  6. Alix JoyTree says:

    brutal honesty with self is easy when one understands Life – hard to hide from the Self that Knows. Applying this with others – isn’t easy. Children’s Honesty is special. They are ‘Innocent’ – adults loose that capacity – they grow up. Their ‘needs to be met’ grow – they want more to [secure & rest]. Many people avoid the Truth, because it hurts them. They forget that ” Lies Kill their Being ” – vicious cycle feeding on itself. Nature and her gifts [creatures] are my ‘Tribe’ now – They show me the Way that most humans can’t seem to notice anymore – Until the ‘ Human Truth Tribe’ arrives at the ‘Field’ [why i venture out here; this amazing web] – The real ‘Beauty’ in my view – is when we [stop choosing (any of) the people that surround us] and embrace All – let their own inner guidence – keep them or carry them forth on their own journey. Have a wonder week – In Joy of Loving Peace.

  7. Alix JoyTree says:

    ” Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
    there is a ‘Field’. I’ll meet you there ” ~ Rumi

  8. I like this post (also really great post above, on “tribes”). This one I will re-visit. It does take courage sometimes to say honestly how we feel or how we think about something. it is especially hard if you are sharing in that some of your real, inner self. But, then, that is a deeper level of honesty and the hope is that it will be recognized by the other.
    I think the key point in the post is HOW you say it. I have just as much of a hard time as anyone else sometimes, saying what is difficult to say. But, I have found that, even the most difficult content can be delivered in a non-aggressive tone of voice and be heard.

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